Weapons of Mess Destruction

From the Seattle Times:

Woman uses baby to hit boyfriend

A woman used her 4-week-old baby as a weapon in a domestic dispute, swinging the infant through the air and striking her boyfriend with the child, authorities said.

The boy, who suffered a fractured skull, was in serious but stable condition Monday at Children's Hospital in Pittsburgh, police said.

"Never, never, never. I can never remember anything like this," District Attorney Bradley Foulk told the Erie Times-News.

Chytoria Graham, 27, of Erie, was charged with aggravated assault, reckless endangerment and simple assault. She was held Monday in the Erie County Jail in lieu of $75,000 bail.

Earlier this year, we learned that unrestrained children can become missiles.

Now babies are the weapon of choice in assaults.

Obviously, we need to take action.

At the national level, we need to encourage the Bush administration to push for the signing of the Baby Non-Proliferation Treaty. The BNPT will help protect us against the humanitarian crisis that's sure to erupt once North Korea starts flinging infants across the Pacific.

The TSA must start confiscating babies at the airport security checkpoint. They are too dangerous. We don't allow other missiles on our airplanes, why should we make an exception for babies? If you don't agree with this critical security measure, I have to ask, why do you hate America?

People in the inner cities who have been victims of baby-violence need to band together and demand their political leaders sue the makers of cheap out of state babies that are flooding our streets. How can children get an education and lift themselves out of poverty when they are too afraid of baby-violence to go to school? Drug dealers have to protect their stash and they are relying on baby missiles and clubs more and more each day.

If your children are playing at a friend's place, find out if their parents have a baby in the house. Baby accidents are the leading cause of death among kids today.

Finally, if you must have a baby in the house, lock it up. You will feel terrible if your child finds the baby and accidentally discharges it, seriously hurting someone. They could hurt you, your dog, or even a family friend

So, think of your home.
Think of your friends.
Think of your neighborhood.
Think of security.

And most of all, think of America.

1 comment:

Jon Clarke said...

Better yet. Let's ban babies.