Shatner-Palooza: Salon Kitty

I discover all sorts of neat things in Amazon.com's recommendation feature.  Sometimes it's puzzling though.

The other day, I checked out Amazon's recommendation.  They thought I might enjoy "Salon Kitty" which featured a nearly nude character on the cover. What in my purchase history inspired Amazon to think I might be interested in "Salon Kitty?"  The common source of much weirdness, of course -- William Shatner.

What happens in "Salon Kitty?"

But when an innocent young prostitute (Teresa Ann Savoy of CALIGULA) uncovers the conspiracy, her revenge will ignite a holocaust of pain, pleasure and shocking sexual perversion. The story is true. The depravity is real. The film is SALON KITTY. 

If there is this a connection between Shatner fans and "Salon Kitty" fans, perhaps I can find some new Star Trek material in the "Customers Who Bought This Item Also Bought" section of the "Salon Kitty" Amazon page.  So what titles will I find there?

• Salo, or the 120 Days of Sodom
• Malabimba: The Malicious Whore
• Maid in Sweden
• Cheeky!
• Tortured Sex Goddess of the Ming Dynasty
• Tinto Brass Collection Volume III
• Frivolous Lola!
• Schoolgirl Report Vol. 5: What All Parents Should Know
• The Image
• The Japanese Wife Next Door
• Tinto Brass Collection Volume II
• SS Hell Pack Triple Feature
• ...etc

Hmm.  No more Shatner?

Product Title Syntax

When I was in college, if I was feeling flush, I'd spring for some Tuna Helper.  Not only that, I'd buy the tuna, too.  And the milk.  I had the whole Daddy Warbucks thing going on some days.

Eventually I moved up to the Hamburger helper.  I still enjoy that tasty, fatty, sometimes gelatinous mass it turns to in the fridge.  But I've been wondering about the name.

You add hamburger to make Hamburger Helper.

You add chicken to make Chicken Helper.

You add tuna to make Tuna Helper.

It all makes sense, right?  Well then what do you add to make this?

The "Juice" says, "Show them your heels."

I've been going through roughly 1400 comic books I have at my mother's house.  It's time to bag and organize them properly after 25 years.

I ran across this issue of Wonder Woman from 1980.

The interesting thing is not the cover art, the story, or the fact that I read Wonder Woman.  It's the ad on the back cover.

None of his endorsements seem quite the same anymore, do they?

I do remain kind of curious about the 9 other unnamed pros that recommend Spot-bilt, and why they chose anonymity. Any guesses as to who they might be? 

Lexus December to Remember Sales Event

I'm excited.  It's finally starting to feel like Christmas.  You know why? Because I just saw the first Lexus December to Remember Sales Event commercial of the season.

I love the Lexus December to Remember Sales Event! It's awesome.  Someone leads their significant other out the house with hands over their eyes, then they remove their hands so they can see a brand new Lexus with a giant red bow on the roof.  And everyone is all thrilled and pleased and happy.

No one thinks someone just committed a crime.

No one freaks out about the huge amount of money their SO just spent on them.

No one who gets a Lexus panics about how that water filer they got for their SO can never live up to a luxury automobile.

There's just pure joy about receiving a luxury automobile with a giant red bow on the roof.

I don't know why these commercials make me feel so holiday-ey. 

It's not like they were on when I was growing up.  Heck, Lexus didn't even exist then. 

It's not like I ever got a Lexus for Christmas.

It's not like they call to mind a simpler era.

Maybe it's because of the silly, quasi-rythmic name: "Lexus December to Remember Sales Event."  It's just more fun than "Toyota-thon."

Or it could be simple, happy tune.

Maybe it's because Lexus gifts are so wildly, unapologetically, inappropriate for the Holiday season.  There is a level of conspicuous wealth consumption in those commercials that just blows away all the $3000 frying pans from William-Sonoma.  They're like Internet companies from 1998.  They're just so awsomely over the top I can't help but love them.

And the gaint, obnoxious bows look like something out of a Saturday Night Live sketch.  Yet they're still fantastic.

I don't own a Lexus.  And I don't have any financial relationship with Lexus (though if they want to give me one, I certainly won't object).  And I thought about doing a sarcastic rant about the Lexus December to Remember Sales event, but I can't.

Because for some odd reason, the commercials for the Lexus December to Remember Sales event just make me happy.

While the older, more traditional commercial may not be online, below is one of the ones from this year. There's also a video that shows where those big bows come from.

Amused and Apalled

Satire is best when your not sure at first if it is satire. But what if you are convinced it's satire and then -- just maybe -- it's actually real?

The GF sent me a link to this product:


Yes. That is the Snuggie for Dogs.

You may recall the original Snuggie. It dominated the night time airwaves a few months back. It's a blanket with sleeves. It's a great purchase for the person who can't figure out how to wear their robe backwards. I guess I can see the appeal, though. The commercials do make it sounds compelling.

But now someone may have actually made a blanket with sleeves for dogs.

When I started watching this, I thought it was a great satire of the commercial for the regular Snuggie. But now I'm not so sure. The order form and other links look legit.

I'm afraid -- so very afraid -- that this might actually be real.

Please, restore my faith in humanity and tell me this is fake. Or at least that he product bombed.

Because I don't know if I want to live in a world where the Snuggie for Dogs qualifies as a million dollar idea.

Have you played Atari today?

This is really why YouTube was invented -- so we can relive awesome commercials from our youth.




I vaguely remember the ad. What really sticks in my head from the early 80s is the jingle -- "Have you played Atari today?"

I was an avid reader of the Atari Age magazine back in the day, on those sporadic occasions when they actually published it. One month they wrote ad article about how the company was originally going to be call Syzygy, but fortunately they opted for Atari instead. The pointed out that "Have you played Syzygy today?" didn't have quite the same ring to it.

It's probably also fortunate because of the planetary alignment -- syzygy -- in 1982. I seem to recall the crack pots of the day predicting the destruction of the world due to out of control tidal movements resulting from the crazy gravity.

Ah, well. I'm off to find my Buckner and Garcia tape.

Union Ad in Seattle Times

I saw this ad in the Seattle Times on 2008-11-09.

Recently, Boeing and its machinists union ended a strike that went on for more than 8 weeks. Boeing now faces a possible strike with it's engineering union.

This ad (click the image for a larger version), which purports to be from the union mechanics at a local Ford dealership, chastises the other unions in the Seattle area for not supporting one another. It call on member of the IAM,SPEEA, and other organizations to support all union workers by buying only from other unionized companies.

We support you in all your endeavors. But do we support each other? We think not. Is support between unions often nothing mor than lip service used to threaten management? Clearly, we don't begin to support each other nearly enough. We are aware of even our own union leaders purcahsing non-union-made automobiles and not having them serviced by union technicians. We can all make excuses. Or are you just hypocrites who won't put your money where your mouth is?

It goes on from there.

The point of the ad is to encourage union members to bring their vehicles to Sound Ford for service.

Printed in smaller- (but certainly not fine-) print at the end of the ad, it says, "Paid for by Sound Ford in support of its Union Service Technicians."

I am neither and big union supporter, nor a union hater. I'm not sure how I feel about this ad. On the one hand, calling on those with similar interests to bring their business to you makes sense. On the other hand, it seems like cheap shot some how.

Regardless, it's an interesting move.

Stupid Lincoln

I'm watching an episode of Missing, a show focused on missing or kidnapped people. These events are often disasters in their lives.

Speaking of disasters, have you seen the Lincoln MKS ads?

Cat Power • Lincoln MKS Ad • Major Tom

They chose Major Tom as the theme music.

To launch a new car, they chose a song about a failed space mission where the main character, Major Tom, drifts off into space, presumably to his death.

Do you really want to associate your new car with major vehicular failure and driver death?

Rip, Mix, Toast? The iPod meets the Toaster Oven

My GF was shopping for a toaster oven on Amazon today. I don't quite understand the concept of the toaster oven. I have a toaster. I have an oven. Do I need a toaster oven? And why can't I just microwave stuff?

But I may be missing the point.

Regardless, Amazon offers a variety of them. Here is the Hamilton Beach Toaststation:



It has actual toast slots in it.

One of the neat things about Amazon is that they recommend -- and offer discounts on -- related products. Usually the recommendations are spot on.

So what's a good product to recommend to the toaster over customer?

An oven mitt?
Bread?
Ladle?
An extension cord?

How about an iPod?




That's right. You can accessorize your $35 toaster oven with a $250 iPod. Who could possibly resist?

But this offer only applies to the black Toaststation. The same thing is available in red.




Perhaps if there was a red iPod they might offer that. But sadly, the red Toaststation does not merit a fancy accessory. It just gets a a coffee maker.




Until Amazon changes the recommendations, you can see them here.

The Mojave Experiment

Microsoft developed a new ad campaign for Vista. The Mojave Experiment brings in people for a focus group where they get to try the next version of Windows.

They begin by asking the people what they think of Vista -- and they all hate it. They apparently hate Vista without ever having used it.

Then they try Mojave and rave about how much better it is than Vista.

They are, of course, shocked, when the Microsoft rep let's them in on a little secret. The new Mojave operating system? Actually it's just their hated Vista.

It's interesting because it demonstrates that much of the virulence directed towards Vista is actually not related to Vista. Much of the anti-Vista bias is not based in reality, but in bad press (both in traditional and new media) and underscores the need for a company to actually respond to critics and promote accurate information about its products.

I know there are people who have had legitimate issues with Vista (like with XP, 2000, NT, 98, 95, etc). But those numbers are smaller than mass-perception might indicate.

The Mojave Experiment is an interesting approach to marketing and an interesting examination of the power of branding.

As God is my witness, I thought penguins could fly

This just may be the cutest lottery commercial ever. My GF stops and watches it whenever it comes on TV. I may just have to pick up a few more Mega Millions tickets just because of this.

Iconic Branding

A few simple changes to packaging can highlight the differences between two companies.

What if Microsoft designed the iPod box?

The Creative Process

Imagine a group of creative professionals are sitting around a conference room. The boss speaks.

"Okay folks, you've done a great job with your last campaign -- the Creepy King. You scared and chased away 60% of our client's customers. The team at Burger King couldn't be more thrilled with your success and with the record number of restraining orders and pending felony charges against the King. But now, it's time to take it to the next level. How do we top the brilliance of the stalking, Creepy King?"

One guy speaks up, "We could claim we put asbestos in the milk shakes."

People around the table nodded, and the intern puts the idea up on the white board.

Someone else suggest, "What about a campaign around the Indian Burial Grounds underneath each restaurant?"

The group praised that idea, and it, too, went up on the whiteboard.

"You know," said the senior copywriters, "we could tell everyone just how much of a challenge it is to reach each restaurant. We could even promote random closing hours."

"Good," said the boss. "We can work with that. I'm sure Burger King would be thrilled with the random closing hours. Put that up on the board and underline it."

The new, puzzled copywriter looked up, and said, "How about we show how healthy Burger King food is relative to other burger chains, and show how it can bring families together and make life simpler?"

His idea was met with stony silence.

"No," said the boss. "I'm not sure you understand our client."

Finally, the last person to speak, stood up, and said, "Let's keep it simple. The few customers we have left are stubborn and not so bright. Let's just make our best customers look like idiots."

Thus, the Whopper Freakout campaign was born.

Shatner-Palooza: "Hey, Shatner! How do I hurl bolts of lightening?"

I first saw this a couple of weeks ago. Shatner apparently plays World of Warcraft.

It's almost enough reason to go pick up my own copy.

Don't tell PETA

Who would have though that bugs getting hit with pies would be so awesome? I found the link at fazed.net.

Choice Hotels and Johnny Cash 03

Choice Hotels and Johnny Cash 01
Choice Hotels and Johnny Cash 02

This Choice Hotels/Johnny Cash match up shows a family of 4 travelling the country. This one is interesteing because the focus is less on the cities and more on what they are doing at the locations. There is also more "acting" in this one, as the family members "talk" to one another during the song. As such, it is more of a departure from the Johnny Cash version than we've seen in the past.

We've been to Portland
Monterrey
Fresno on the way

Pandas monkeys at the zoo
Taking home a kangroo

Comfort Inn feels like home
Morning, Lisa.
Morning, Joan!

Tasty waffles hey look
Finally something I can cook

County Fare
Salt Lake
Gotta love those funnel cakes

Santa Fe
Grandma's Place
Nice to see her smiling face

Johnny's voice:

I've been everywhere man
I've been every where

Choice Hotels voiceover:

This summer at Comfort Inn, Comfort Suites, Quality Inn, Sleep Inn or
Clarion Hotels, Stay 3 separate times and earn a free $50 gas card
Just make you reservations through choicehotels.com or 800-4Choice

Johnny's voice:

I've been every where

Choice Hotels voiceover:

Choice Hotels. We'll see you there.

Choice Hotels and Johnny Cash 02

For the past few years, Choice Hotels has been "celebrating" the memory of Johnny Cash. For awhile, they used Johnny's rendition of "I've been Everywhere" to promote their various hotel chains. A couple years ago, they began writing their own lyrics.

In February, I posted the transcript from a commercial featuring an older couple singing about their travels across the USA.

Here are the lyrics for the new commercial featuring what appears to be a 20-something couple travelling the USA.

We've been to Dayton

Green Bay

Drive across the USA

Kansas City

Passin' through

Stoppin' for some Bar-B-Que

Need a place to spend the night

Sleep Inn always gets it right

Internet high speed

Thirty emails left to read

66 Detour

Let's just take a couple more

San Jose

had our fun

One last chance

to catch some sun

Johnny's Voice:

I've been every where man

I've been every where

Choice Hotels Voice Over:

This summer at Sleep Inn, Comfort Inn, Comfort Suites, Quality Inn, or Clarion hotels

Stay 3 separate times and earn a free $50 gas card

Just make your reservations at choicehotels.com or 800-4choice

Choice Hotels. We'll see you there.

Johnny's Voice:

I've been every where

Do you Like the Geico Caveman Commercials?

If you do, you'll get a kick out of this site. There's all sorts of things to click on.

http://cavemanscrib.com/

What the Hell is Wrong with the Burger King People?