Plot to undermine the Republican Party

As I watched the coverage of the RNC I saw all the McCain-Palin signs, and in the vein of Brangelina and Bennifer, it wasn't long before people were referring to the Republican ticket as McCalin. Thus a plan that was born in the early nineties was activated.

In the early 1990s, the a shadowy organization went to work. They saw the potential of Ralf Reed and Newt Gingrich leading a coalition of Christian Conservatives to take over the Republican party. Their prescient move, before the Contract with America reached the media, would take nearly 18 years to come to fruition, but it is happening today. This shadowy group is determined to take back the party from the religious right by torpedoing the 2008 election and handing to the Democrats.

Here's how they did it.

Don Von Tress was an early player in the conspiracy. He worked his Nashville connections and partnered with Billy Ray Cyrus. Billy went on to record Von Tress's song, "Don't Tell My Heart" (renamed "Achy Breaky Heart") and reach the top of the country music charts. Cyrus would go on to be hated by millions of people who wanted to throttle anyone who played that song.

But Cyrus accepted that sacrifice for the good of the organization.

Phase 1 was complete.

As the years went by, Cyrus and the organization called in some favors from the leadership of the Disney organization. The result of this careful, long range planning was the creation of Hannah Montana and the Hanna Montana TV series.

Phase 2 was complete.

Early in the first season, the producers cast Selena Gomez as Hannah's evil arch rival, pop star Mikayla. Naturally, viewers hate Mikayla, the upstart who causes all kinds grief for the All-American Hannah.

Said out loud Mikayla sounds an awful lot like McCalin, doesn't it? Clearly, Disney, Cyrus, Tress, and the shadowy organization are working to make the populace believe that the McCain-Palin ticket is wrong for America. They are saying these candidates will undermine all that is good and pure about America, as embodied in Miley Cyrus's Hannah Montana.

Further, by casting Gomez, an actress with a latina sounding name, as Mikayla, the organization is trying to tie McCain and Palin unfavorably to the immigration debate.

With this plan, they expect to alienate mainstream, apple-pie America from the McCain-Palin ticket.

Phase 3 was complete.

Now they ensured an Obama victory in November, the organization had to break the grip party leadership has over the Christian Conservative vote. They had to alienate that wing of the party from the McCain-Palin camp.

So they went back to Mikayla and Gomez. They no longer needed a name that sounded like McCalin. People already associate Gomez with McCalin now. How do they make sure the religious right hates McCalin?


Enter the Wizards of Waverly Place. In Gomez's new show, she plays and irresponsible teen age witch.

Phase 4 complete.

Middle America hates McCain-Palin because of Hannah Montana.

The Religious Right hates McCain-Palin because of all the witchcraft.

Obama-Biden wins in 2008.

The Republican party leadership loses the support of the moderate Republican wing by blowing the election.

The Republican party leadership loses the support of the Religious Right because of all the witchcraft.

The shadowy organization seizes control of the party and wins in 2012.



Anonymous said...

That's funny!!

Brian Kunath said...

Very clever

DineometerDeb said...

Aha! I knew it! This explains the McCain decline in that key demographic of 7 year old girls!

You will be getting lots of links from this post. There are alot of sites that post anything related to Hannah Montana without even reading it.

Anonymous said...

Dude, if I could invent a sandwich like "To the Max" I bet I could disrail a political campaign too....

Anonymous said...

Nice deduction, I would have missed it if you wouldn't have pointed it out...

Book Calendar said...

Yay, it is Friday, everyone needs a good laugh on Friday because tomorrow is Saturday. Yay Saturday. I am getting tired. Satire is good.