Breakfast

Johnny Carson once counted all the fruitcakes in the world. The total he came up with? One. It keeps getting passed around.

Sadly, he didn't make it to Costco (COST)this year. If he did, he would have seen pallet after pallet of fruitcakes waiting for un-witting victims, like me. Here's a tip -- never go to Costco hungry.

But I saw these racks of reviled richness for just under $13 and thought, "Huh. I wonder why everyone hates these things. I should find out."

So this morning for breakfast, I had fruitcake and coffee. If not the breakfast of champions, it must at least be the breakfast of middle-managers.

I unwrapped the hermetically sealed package and let the cake drop onto my plate.

It's both crumbly and sticky. It didn't really hold "cake shape" on my plate, but sort of reconfigured itself into some sort of gloppy pile, presumably as a defense mechanism. When I picked up a piece it loaded some sort of crazy glue onto my figures. It took a few hours to clean off two fingers, but the neighbor's dog is still attached to the other two.

The important thing is taste. eartha at Chowhound really enjoyed it. I, too, found it really tasty. I don't think Costco used any alcohol in the manufacturing process, so it could have been better, but I still enjoyed it.

The bits of fruit were nice and sweet. The cake of the cake was moist and tasty. The nuts...well, I'm not a big fan of nuts in my desserts. I used to hate them. Now, though, as long as it's not coconut, I'm okay with them.

I don't know if this problem is indigenous to fruitcakes or is a trait specific to Costco. But there were just too many nuts. Walnuts, Pecans, TSA Policy wonks -- there's just too many nuts in the fruitcake.

It's still a hearty meal. One slice kept me going until the afternoon when I decided to microwave half a pound of bacon.

It's worth finishing and trying another type. I'll probably just have to find one that was made in a monastery some place. Those monks make tasty snacks.